How to Adjust When Your Child Moves Out

Despite hoping our children will grow into self-sufficient and ambitious adults, when the time comes for them to start a life of their own, it can be hard to let go. There may be tears, displaced anger and family rows leading up to the big day, or you may feel surprisingly positive about this milestone until days or even weeks after your child has gone.

However sad you feel when your child moves out, know that you’re still fulfilling the same parental role, and your child still needs you, just in a different way. Life after the children have flown the nest will be different, but finding happiness in this time of uncertainty is possible. Here’s how to adjust to your child moving out, and what to do next.

Be Positive

Try to see your newfound freedom as something you’ve gained rather than mourning the loss of your child. Yes, you’re allowed time to adjust and even grieve for the stages in his life that have passed, but try to limit yourself to just a few days or weeks of moping. Then, remember that your child leaving home is a good thing – it means you’ve taught him to be independent in the world and determine his own path. Whether he’s moving in with friends, starting university or going travelling, this is the beginning of the rest of his life, and it is a positive step.

Make Time for Yourself

You’ve just devoted eighteen years to your child’s wellbeing, education and future, and once you’ve waved goodbye, it’s time to think about yours. Now that you’re not folding someone else’s washing or driving your child to football practice, you have the time for yourself that you’ve probably been craving since you first became a parent, so embrace it. Take up a new hobby or learn a new language. Join that dance class. Write a novel or launch a business. Whatever it is that you’ve always dreamt of doing but never had the time, now’s your chance.

Don’t Preserve Your Child’s Bedroom

Creating a shrine out of your child’s bedroom will only remind you of the child you’ve lost, rather than the adult he has become. You don’t need to turn his bedroom into a home gym or cart all his belongings off to Oxfam, but you should try to find a way of reclaiming the space in your home without removing his security blanket. Offer to store your child's belongings in a storage room, and just keep a few special items out on display. You can turn his room into a spare bedroom that he can use when he comes to stay, but can also serve other purposes throughout the year.

Re-Establish Your Relationships

Nurturing your child into adulthood has probably taken its toll on the other relationships in your life – whether they’re romantic partnerships, sibling relationships or friendships. Now that your child is off asserting his independence, take time to re-establish the relationships you’ve otherwise neglected. Schedule regular date nights with your spouse, or start a monthly meet-up group with your old friends. Immersing yourself in people who enrich your life will make the transition easier, and will hopefully take your mind off missing your child.